Half term!

Before this week, the above words used to make me shudder with fear at the thought of it, and to be honest it was a week I was dreading. However, it has been very pleasant. We made sure we had something planned everyday. We got to the park and played with friends, both new and friends from school. LPV loves the park especially our little local park, it’s not huge and it only has one entrance/exit so I don’t have to follow him everywhere. I just place a blanket in the middle for Miss C and me and I can see him in all three playgrounds. He’s at a great age where he’ll talk to other children and make friends too. So I’ve lost the dread feeling that my child is only one who’s playing on his own.

We went to to the cinema watching the Lego Movie, a bit of quality time with me and my boy. Of course the box of popcorn all over the floor had absolutely nothing to do with us…..honest!

We’ve had a couple of playdates at our house too, Liam’s friend OB no not wan  kenobi, unfortunately, came round to play trains as they’re both huge Thomas and aeroplane fans. I love how well he gets on with these children, he has no idea that he spent the first 18months of his life with them.  Miss C has been happy but unfortunately she hasn’t made a full recovery from her ear infection I think it’s still bothering her, as are her teeth (we still only have two!!) She loves the park too, she’s getting brave and venturing off the blanket but is quite hilarious in how she crawls on the grass trying not to touch it.

I think I was dreading half term as during the run up to it I was working, unfortunately that’s no longer the case. It really wasn’t working for me and I had no choice but to quit. I didn’t want to but for reasons I really don’t want to discuss I quit. It sent me out of sorts for a while, being a bit mad and upset that I lost the thing that was mine, my little bit of independence. I’ve been a bit low too, as I just can’t remember to take my crazy pills of late, I’m saddened that I still so dependant on them for my moods. The Dr says I shouldn’t look at this way, he says I it was medication to for a condition such as diabetes I wouldn’t feel ashamed to take it so why should I be now. I do worry about the long-term effects of them too, that’s me though, I don’t think I function properly unless I have something to worry about.

Anyway I haven’t given up entirely on working, next week I have 3 days teaching at LPV’s pre school, I’m covering a holiday. In actual fact this does suit me more, I can drop LPV off in breakfast club and pick him up at 1:15 from late class when I finish, then my afternoons are free for them and I’m not sat at the computer or with my phone in hand trying to be a good a good Mammy & good employee but failing terribly at both.

Yesterday wasn’t so great but one day out of 5 can’t be bad, I had to leave LPV with our  babysitter, which I’ve done before but when he’s been sleeping. Miss C had a baby beep class and I didn’t really want to miss it. However I received a text saying he was crying and looking for me, it’s a tricky decision to make, should I have left him to “man up” so to speak I wasn’t going to be that long? Or should I have left straight away and came home? I chose the latter. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being upset. I came home and he was fine, soaked wet through and drowned the garden with the hose pipe. I got a little mad to be honest with both of them, all I wanted was an hour for me and Miss C.

LPV appears to have mellowed out a bit during these f*$king 3’s, the cheeky answering back has subsided but now we’ve entered the sensitive zone…….duh duh duh!! He cries a lot at the moment, I think it’s for attention as although I DO NOT favour one over the other. Miss C does get a lot of attention, but she needs a lot of attention. It’s not just about us though, she gets lots of attention where ever we go…”Hi baby” she sits there beaming up like the “Lady of Quinny Manor”, LPV stands there and says “hello” so I always try and put lots of emphases on him too. Parenting is difficult but parenting of two is even worse, I’m constantly worried that they’re both ok, feel loved, safe, are they eating enough nutrients…blah blah blah

The worries just go on forever!

Heres a few pic from our half term fun

A new line in baby hats

A new line in baby hats

weeeeeeeeeeeee

weeeeeeeeeeeee

Playing ball

Playing ball

Lego movie fun

Lego movie fun

Fabulous ears

Fabulous ears

Returning to work!!

IN the red corner we have expatmammy…… IN the blue corner we have Mammy Guilt, I think this is going to be a great fight, one I feel readers, that will go on FOREVER. I fought battle with the Mammy guilt before, barely won and I’m still teetering on the edge of loosing some but this is the biggest by far. On sunday see my return to the work force, not only have I not worked for almost 4 years but it’s a completely new job role. I’m going to be an accounts manager for a social media company AND I’m going to have business card and everything!!! *runs out and buys Porsche, brief and killer heels for image*.

I’ve just had a meeting with my new boss, I’m exited beyond belief but I’m scared this job is going to require the confident “me” that I know is deep down there somewhere but will she come out??, also will Miss C end up loving the babysitter more than me? the balance in our life be tipped the wrong way?

Questions arrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

I think personally its something I need, I studied 3 long , hard years and  had to give up my career and I miss it, this is a new challenge for me something to sink my teeth my teeth other than being a mammy, which I love. Working and being a mammy can be done, millions of mammies all over the world do it, it just going to take some time to figure out a system that works for us. Did they all feel the same?

I’m lucky that I will mostly be working from home so I can still bring Miss C to her classes and have individual quality time with my babies. So hopefully they won’t suffer.

It’s like any change I make in my life, I dwell and analyse it  for ages, I’m not a great lover of change but I’m used to it to be honest with all the moving round we do. So this is the first update and no doubt there will be plenty more…….

Do have any experience in this, can you offer any words of wisdom?