Children say the funniest things?

Yes, Yes they do, however they can also say very hurtful things. Sometimes they’re like mini weapons of emotional mass destruction…their target? YOU! Oh it doesn’t matter how many hours of labour you endured or whether the epidural needle hit a nerve and sent shocks down your legs. The dinosaur you stayed up late making?……screw that mammy that’s your job!!!

Why do we do it? Because the minute we seen that little blue line appear we knew we loved them no matter what, we laugh at their jokes, that really make NO sense what so ever, we catch puke in our hands, we endure more pain for them in the form of standing on a Lego stormtrooper!

The last 10 days or so have been pretty rough in Casa de expat, LPV seems to be a teenager in a 4 year olds body, it all has a very Tom Hanksy Big, Zoltar machine feel to it. Why god why do they have to grow up?

Image obtained from Google images

*Don’t do it Josh stay mammy’s good boy forever!!

So why this post?

I’ve just experienced my first “I hate you” even typing the words now hurt. I no he doesn’t mean it and he actually probably has no¬†clear idea of what the word hate means, I try to avoid saying it to be honest.However when you’re exhausted and over the squabbling by 10am it hurts. I will never be one of those parents that are afraid to discipline their children, discipline and boundaries are not going to ruin their spirit, prison will do that after they’ve grown up without boundaries ūüėČ but there are just days where I seriously can’t take it anymore.

This is unchartered territory for me, no amount of childcare experience has prepared me for how to cope with it, you can always handle someone else’s child better, why? because you can give them back. You are not dealing with it 24/7, If I shout he shouts back, if I’m calm he just huffs and puffs over me, telling me he’s had enough of the dumb and stupid house….thanks kid! It’s hard to know if you’re doing or saying the right thing, to dumb house comment, I responded with ¬†“would you like to live somewhere else? In a box like some children have too? And with the “I hate you” I just blew a raspberry and ran away¬†my response was that’s a shame because I love you. The parenting minefield pretty much sucks at times.

I sternly believe that bounty packs shouldn’t contain useless trial size packets of washing power or that one ridiculous nappy, they should come with emotional protective clothing, vino and paracetamol. If I could I would blame the Dubai summer for everything but in this case it’s not actually making life easier, not being able to bring them outside to burn off energy is major factor and to be honest there is only so much soft play your sanity and wallet can take, being at home often fuels their fire.

So how do I cope with this “phase” what advice would I give my friends? We are always very good at giving advice aren’t we, we never actually take it ourselves. I’m trying to chill and pick my battles, trying not to yell, even though sometimes I feel it’s the only way I can let out my frustrations, counting to 10 is farking useless but I do it anyway but above all realising that none of us are perfect. Oh, of course when they’re good¬†they’ll always be¬†perfect to me, they’re my children but sometimes it’s ok to not like what they do. I’ve heard it all changes when they’re ……..30? Here’s hoping!!


*Image obtain from google images




Everyone has a name for the ages/phases that our children go through, terrible 2 etc. Hey here’s an idea why don’t we stop giving parents false hope…When your in the terrible 2’s and the 3rd birthday is looming closer you think to yourself “man this is it, this is where I get my lovely sweet child back” Ummm that would be a NO. As when terrible 2’s are over then the farking 3’s begin closely followed by the f**k you mammy 4’s.

Why don’t we just come out and say it, as soon as the 18 month mark hits you’re doomed until they get married. The “oh it gets easier” and the “it doesn’t last long” is just a load of old bull, lets just stop pretending and say it like it is when you become a parent you’ve signed a death warrant for your stress levels and if stress doesn’t kill you then liver cirrhosis¬†will from a giant increase in alcohol consumption.

I was told the other day “I’m the one who decided to open my legs” Really? charming, I’d like to think that it was a little more romantic, meaningful and a hell of a lot special than that. However yes, yes I did make the decision to have children but that doesn’t cancel out my rights to expressing my frustration to parenting. Please don’t get me wrong I adore my children too, with all my heart, I always sign you are my sunshine to the children before they sleep & last night Miss C joined in with me, cute was not the word it was special and I will always have that moment. LPV is growing so fast he’s so clever border lining on smart arse we always have a cuddle while he’s getting dressed for school, I know this won’t last for much longer as I see the I hate you phase in my not too distant future.

However at the moment I have a 2-year-old and 4-year-old and OMG it’s so hard they’re bringing to really love each other but when they don’t its awful, have you ever put a 2yr old and 4 yr old in time out at the same time? They make noises so shrill that only dogs can hear them. I try not to shout or be aggressive in my speech to them but it’s so difficult. Take for instance I took Miss C to some baby event in the park the other day, now I have two children I usually avoid these things like the plague they cause me more stress. I take Miss C to the play equipment I tell her she has to wait her turn….que crying, even when she gets her turn she’s been crying for so long she doesn’t know why she started in the first place. This lasts at least 20mins and I try everything, ignoring, the oh darling’s etc until I just scream stop crying!!!

Forgetting I’m in the judgement pit where all new mothers come to comment on experienced parents child rearing, I feel around 100 pairs of eyes burning into my back. Where is the sisterhood that I thought parenthood was all about. ¬†I was rescued by a friend taken to lunch and ¬†Miss C was an absolute angel…..Really????

I know I don’t think there are any really helpful answers out there, parenting is a beautiful minefield and I’m glad to be walking through it, I just wish I brought more wine……

What you talking about Willis

What you talking about Willis

Im sorry

A letter of apology to my children

Dear children

I seem to be making so many mistakes with you at the moment so I’m just going to come out and apologise for it all………………………………………………

I’m sorry I didn’t realise that poop obviously belongs all down your legs and on the bathroom floor, I will have strong words with Grandma for teaching me the wrong way of putting it in the toilet.

I’m sorry that I served your dinner to you on a plate I should realise in the future that ¬†your lap, hair and floor are far more convenient for you

I’m sorry for brushing you teeth, I totally agree with you dental hygiene is completely overrated

I know I really should have gone to fashion design school as quite clearly I get it wrong ALL the time, t-shirts with raccoons playing football are OUT, one red shoe and one blue shoe is perfect attire for a trip to the supermarket!

Sincere apologies about my mind reading abilities I should have realised and anticipated you changed your mind from a red bowl to a blue bowl

Deeply sorry for wanting to sleep, you wanting your dummy 20,000 times a night is far more important than Mammy & Daddy being able to function properly

I know I will not get any parenting awards for not giving you pancakes everyday for dinner and chocolate milk with your breakfast, I will go to time out and think about the healthy balance dinner I just served you!

With Much love