Slide traffic jam

So we were recommended this fab day out by an expat group I’m a member of, yesterday we visited Sprookjeswonderland, it’s a wee Dutch theme park and was such a magical place.

It’s kind of Elves and gnomes meet nursery rhymes, it’s all in Dutch which isn’t a problem for LPV, it had a fabulous petty zoo, which unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to go into being, host to a bun in the oven. LPV loved the wee rides, he went for a spin in an old fashioned car, on the train and loved loved loved the lazy river ladybird boats, he wanted to go around again but he could grasp the concept that he had to leave his boat behind at the back and get into a new one at the front, so unfortunately he missed his 2nd go as he was busy having a huge melt down.

The speeltuin (playground) was absolutely awesome, it’s was like a scene from Alice wonderland meets Alton towers, with a huge sofa that the children can play on spinning tea cups, Dumbo elephant rides. However LPV was not interested in any of these, you see he loves to climb the steps of Slides! He doesn’t love the slide, just the steps. Yesterday was no exception, he decided to climb the steps of the curly slide, he gets all the way to the top and then Freeze! You see LPV is two and very good at it, he’s at the stage where he thinks EVERYTHING belongs to him. There he was at the top refusing to move, at this stage another wee boy had climbed the stairs and was patiently waiting for my son to get his arse in gear. This clearly pissed of LPV and he insisted on trying to attack this poor child, at this point daddy had climbed up half way of the side of the slide trying to protect this poor child and coax LPV. At this point it was becoming a scene, quite a funny one but now we are 5 children deep on the slide stairs and LPV is still not budging off “his” slide. “Climb up and get him” shouts EPD, now I’m 23 weeks pregnant and my arse and hips are probably a lot wider than these steps. In the end a daddy of another patiently waiting child climbs up and passes him over to EPD. We are now mortified with embarrassment we hustle up our child and try to leave the playground.

We thought it would then be lovely to go and see the swans, bad move! Now I’m not a lover of swans, geese, or any other bird that can chase you and peck your eyes out. Standing by the fence the swans come over to see LPV, they were nibbling his shoe which he thought was hilarious, however then went to put his hand through…………SNAP! Luckily EPD moved his hand before too much damage was done but I’m not going to be surprised if LPV develops a phobia of birds now.

Now I realise that this isn’t painting a picture of a fun family day but it but it truly was, one for the memory book for sure. Here is a few of our highlights.x

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Save the whales!!

So today was toddler swim with my very lovely neighbour, bearing in mind last time we met LPV almost poked his eye out with a baby fork I felt I had to make a better impression and at least show her I was in control once and while. LPV started to cry the minute we strapped him  on to the  in to the car, so somehow I knew that today wasn’t good impression day.

All changed in our swimmers that looked exceptionally pleased to be out of storage we headed for the pool, not even the best surgeons in the world could remove the dummy from a certain young mans mouth so that came too. As soon as we hit the water LPV cried, it’s been so long since he was in a pool and he’s NEVER been in an indoor pool. We started the lesson which was in Dutch, I got the general gist but the nursery rhymes we’re a bit tricky. I mostly just sang “stop crying LPV to their tune” as the crying continued there was a stop bloody crying added to one of the verses. I decided to stop the lesson and we just did our own thing at the sloped end of the pool.

The life guard bellowed shouted to me, waving a pair of armbands, I walked over to her and she told me to put them on LPV.  I thought this was a wee bit extreme as the water was only to his knees and I was supervising him, still I did what the scary nice dutch lady said and made my son cry again. Crying was suddenly stopped by an announcement over the tannoy “blah blah blah, blah blah blah” right got it! The next thing I knew is myself and LPV were hit by a ginormous wave that swept us up the slope like a sexy, seductive bond girl beached whale and her calf, with their swimmers stuck up their arses!! F**KING WAVE MACHINE!!

WE had decided we had enough of Dutch swimming for one day and that we should leave the pool with what dignity and grace we had left, this lasted until we got to the communal changing room when LPV pee’d all over the floor.

Roll on next time, at least we’ll be prepared in our “Scuba Steve” gear.

Don’t you just love nursery rhymes

Yesterday was a strange day for me, whilst driving LPV around I…ahem…we listened to nursery rhymes. It actually dawned on me whilst listening to words they are the most violent  & terrifying things ever…. few examples for you……………..

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,

Upstairs, downstairs and in my lady’s chamber

There I met an old man who wouldn’t say his prayers,

I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs

Now I don’t know about you but I feel it’s a weeshy bit violent towards the elderly gentleman, religion is a personal choice!!!

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly, perhaps she’ll die!!!

Flippin eck this terrified me at infants school, no wonder I have a phobia of creepy crawly things

Sing a song of six pence

The poor maid she’s minding her own business hanging out the washing and along comes a black bird and pecks her nose off, I would demand a raise!!

It’s not just the rhymes thou fairy tales were quite scary and really not child approprite too, poor Red Ridding hood had her granny eaten by the wolf, then she had to stand by while the woodsman chopped him open with an axe!! Hello therapist!!!!!

 

He's behind you!!!!