So today was toddler swim with my very lovely neighbour, bearing in mind last time we met LPV almost poked his eye out with a baby fork I felt I had to make a better impression and at least show her I was in control once and while. LPV started to cry the minute we strapped him
on to the in to the car, so somehow I knew that today wasn’t good impression day.
All changed in our swimmers that looked exceptionally pleased to be out of storage we headed for the pool, not even the best surgeons in the world could remove the dummy from a certain young mans mouth so that came too. As soon as we hit the water LPV cried, it’s been so long since he was in a pool and he’s NEVER been in an indoor pool. We started the lesson which was in Dutch, I got the general gist but the nursery rhymes we’re a bit tricky. I mostly just sang “stop crying LPV to their tune” as the crying continued there was a stop bloody crying added to one of the verses. I decided to stop the lesson and we just did our own thing at the sloped end of the pool.
The life guard
bellowed shouted to me, waving a pair of armbands, I walked over to her and she told me to put them on LPV. I thought this was a wee bit extreme as the water was only to his knees and I was supervising him, still I did what the scary nice dutch lady said and made my son cry again. Crying was suddenly stopped by an announcement over the tannoy “blah blah blah, blah blah blah” right got it! The next thing I knew is myself and LPV were hit by a ginormous wave that swept us up the slope like a sexy, seductive bond girl beached whale and her calf, with their swimmers stuck up their arses!! F**KING WAVE MACHINE!!
WE had decided we had enough of Dutch swimming for one day and that we should leave the pool with what dignity and grace we had left, this lasted until we got to the communal changing room when LPV pee’d all over the floor.
Roll on next time, at least we’ll be prepared in our “Scuba Steve” gear.