In my wisdom, last night I decided I was going to start teaching LPV the true meaning of Christmas. We’re not over religious but we do have a faith and I’d like to keep it going in the children If I can, we’re actually terrible Catholics and hardly ever go to church unless we’re home. Each Christmas we have the Fisher Price Nativity Crib on display however Spiderman, Lala Loopsy and Mr Potato take over and I usually find Baby Jesus in the microwave. LPV has a wee bible so I found the nativity story and I began to read………..Then came the questions
Wow Jesus is a cool name isn’t Mammy? Yes pretty cool I reply, did you think about calling me Jesus? No we wanted to call you LPV. How old is baby Jesus now? This question alone is like trying to remember your baby’s age in weeks, after the 12 week period end. He was born a very long time ago, so he’s very old now. Ok, when’s his birthday? This isn’t going well, His birthday is on Christmas day, OMG, WHAT?
(hands up if you have blaspheming child) does that mean he gets birthday and Christmas presents? At this point I’m starting to confuse my self, so we decide that we’re going to start the story and ask questions at the end. We get through the story fine, I ask him to repeat words such as Bethlehem, frankincense to see if he can pronounce them. He does really well, then we start talking about it.
Where is Jesus now? He’s an Angel that looks out for us making sure we are living our lives in a good way. Like Santa? Yes kind of like Santa although Jesus watches us all the time not just when it’s getting near to Christmas. Does Jesus have a light like Santa does in Grandma’s house? (house alarm sensor) No Jesus doesn’t need one. Does Santa have a light at our house? No he’s got his birdies perched on the windows watching you. So if Jesus is watching me too, does he tell Santa if I’m being good?
I decide I’m ending bedtime at this point and that we’ll discuss it again tomorrow, I go down stairs pour a glass off wine and decide this is a job for his Godparents! At 2am I get a visitor in my bed, I don’t ask why, as I’m praying he’s not terrified Jesus is watching him!
Epic parenting fail