Isn’t funny how we can give others advice and encouragement but we don’t give to ourselves? You look beautiful, you’re doing so well, you can do it!!!

It’s no secret on here and around the people I love that I struggle with my weight/body image, so almost 8 weeks ago I had a life changing moment.

I attended a friends boots camp she’s starting her own business and had asked me to come. I have always had a strong aversion to group exercise as I feel self-conscious and judged even though people actually don’t give a shit as they have their own lives to deal with. However I decided to get my arse off the couch and go, I loved it…well I hated every moment I was there but I loved it. Emma is so positive is so motivating, she’s had two kids herself although you’d NEVER tell so understands that maybe star jumps may actually…erm.. be a problem. She doesn’t pick on you or name and shame, she doesnt’ use embarrassment to motivate you., you want to work hard cos she’s working hard with you. Anyway at the end of the session I got on her fan-dangled scales that pretty much weigh everything!! The results we’re shocking, the visceral fat (the fat in my abdomen and surrounding my organs) percentage was dangerously high, I had no skeletal muscle, so I’m pretty much Mr Muscle with a tub of lard around his middle. I went home and I cried, I was so disappointed with myself, how did I do this to myself?especially as the first time I started weight watchers I was only 8 1/2 stone!! That was nothing, my bra size was 3 cups smaller than what I am now, it’s ridiculous.

I didn’t cry for long, I decided to take charge and sign up for more of her boot camp classes and her personal training sessions, yes I can hear you now “not everyone can afford a personal trainer” I know they can’t and to be totally honest I can’t either but I will gladly sacrifice a couple of nights out a month if it means I end this battle I have with myself and my weight!!

After Two weeks here I am 

I’ve weighed myself a couple of times but now avoid the scales where possible as they’re toxic for my mental health, I go by how I feel , which most of the time is positive.

At 4 weeks here I am,

I want to be clear, I’m not writing this for compliments or gratification from others, as to be honest I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, thats the whole point.

I’m writing this as I want to get this running commentary out of my head.

8 weeks on I could probably be a hell of a lot smaller (if Emma hid the duck pate) but I refuse to diet, if it takes me two years I will do it and I will do it the hard way. At the beginning I could barely do 1 press up but yesterday I did 75!!!! I ran around the park in Boot camp without stopping, ok I finished about 10 mins after everyone else but it didn’t matter. All I got was encouragement from the others, encouragement  that I achieved something big. I can encourage and give advice to everyone about how great they look so why can’t I listen to myself? I’m having a bad week this week in the fact I’m letting the mirror/scales define me define my success…..why I am I doing this?

What I am doing is so good, I haven’t touched my meds in 4-6 weeks, I smile so much more, my sugars are stable, I have more enthusiasm to get out with my kids…Its funny how we’ll always focus on the negatives we feel.

These girls I exercise with are amazing, we’re all normal and go about the school run after our post boot camp rituals, I just feel that I should maybe dedicate this post to them and Emma, as without you all I would have given up after a couple of weeks.

I really hope that my story or moan what ever you want to call it will inspire some to get moving, change the things in your life you don’t like. Trust me, coming from the laziest person ever, I would seriously rather eat a bag of mini eggs then go to boot camp. However isn’t that being selfish on my part? “Sorry kids mammy brought you into the world but she didn’t stay long cos she just didn’t love herself enough to be healthy”

Harsh? maybe….but true!!

Anyway here are the GIRLS ONLY crew, you ladies rock!!