Awkward questions!

It’s started *shifts awkwardly in seat* the awkward question phase, the phase that EVERY parent dreads, this phase is going to be a looooooooong one, I can feel it!!

It started ever so innocently with the potty training, I have two regular visitors when I use the bathroom anyway but now it’s started out in public. Picture a public toilet if you will, The large disabled one used for baby change too, the 3 of use are all answers the call of nature! Sometimes your body does “stuff” you can’t control  but I wish it wouldn’t do it with a 3.5 year old around

LPV: “Mammy, did you fluff?”

ME: Mortified..”No I coughed”

LPV: “NO you fluffed” alright smart arse, why do ask if you already knew!!! “MAMMY DO YOU NEED A POO POO?” loudest voice EVER!!!

We’ve progressed slightly and thankfully most of the following questions have been saved for the privacy of our home, however any shred of dignity, self-respect and pride I ever had is gone, completely gone!!

LPV: “What are those?”

Me : “They’re called Tampons”

LPV: “TAMPONS?, Can I have one?”

ME: “No only ladies and bigger girls uses Tampons”

LPV: “awww *sulky face* “Why?”

I think to myself at this moment….shit shit shit, let’s go back to the poo poo questions, Pleeease!!Now at this point I have 3 choices to brush the whole thing under the carpet and change the subject, pretend I didn’t hear him or tell him a very tame version of the truth. As much as I want to choose the 2nd option I decide the truth is better

Me: “Because that’s what they use when they have a period” *closes eyes and goes to happy place*

LPV: “Permiot, that’s funny mammy” Phew, got away with that bad boy!!

The last thing I wanted to do was open a can of worms……That’s daddy’s job!

A bath time favourite at the moment is the conversation about widgey’s &  foofi’s, I know I should probably call them by there proper name but to be honest I just can’t bear the thought of the word vagina coming out of my sons mouth!! We go through countless people who have widgets and foofi’s but to this date its always been family members, this is fine, I can deal with this. We progressed to friends now, parents of friends and……I’m cringing as I write…teachers and helpers at school!! *downs gin* His questions are so innocent and pure its so endearing but I have to say this conversation making my arse twitch, I do a very do job of hiding how completely and utterly uncomfortable I am taking about “these peoples” body parts and gently steer the conversation back to Aunty L..Sorry sis!!

There’s was a break in these awkward questions but now there coming daily, we’re not a prudish house, Im quite happy for my children to see me naked as long as it doesn’t give them nightmares, yesterday LPV and I went for a swim. Whenn getting changed after, he points to my nipple and asked

LPV: “Whats that?”

ME: “Thats my nipple, you have them too”

He lifts up his t-shirt and looks and laughs

LPV: “Why are yours so big mammy?”

ME: “Because I fed you and Miss C milk with them when you were babies, some people have big ones some people have small”

LPV: “Oh, did one have milk and one have water?”

Seriously what goes through his little head!!! However the conversation didn’t stop there……………..

LPV: “Whats that?” points to bra

ME: “What do you thinks its called?” ha…take that!!!

LPV: “Thomas…It looks as big as Thomas” thanks kid kick me while I’m down!!!

I’m just dreading the “where do babies come from” as there’s been a lot of talk about brothers in his tummy….so it’s coming…I can feel it. Lets hope I’m out so daddy can deal with it!!

Have you had any awkward questions yet???

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9 thoughts on “Awkward questions!

  1. Granma Obrien says:

    Aw trace that really made my day had such a good laugh over my breakfast this morning . You never fail to amaze me with your blogs keep them coming . Xx keep asking them questions liam xxxx

  2. journey2dfuture says:

    Lol! I had a good laugh reading this. I’m dreading these question.but at the same time I can hear them being so funny,,

  3. andthreetogo says:

    Haha, Zoë keeps finding my tampons and carrying around the house. She once threw a tantrum in a public restroom because I wouldn’t give her the one I had just grabbed from my purse.

    • Expat Mammy says:

      A friend of mines little one called her bra “her boogie pants” I think he should get on dragons den with the idea

  4. mumof4 says:

    Love it. My 10 year old only just realised he’s been saying ‘NIBBLES’ instead of ‘NIPPLES’. This came up when he was discussing marketing a ‘man bra’ for those with ‘big, bad nibbles’ and 16 year old and myself nearly collapsed laughing….

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