Independence, stress, control

We strive for it all our lives and when it’s taken from us it’s a real shock to the system. That’s what it feels like to me at the moment. Since becoming an expat I’ve become incredibly independent, it was a question of having to be, I didn’t/don’t have anyone else to do stuff for me apart from me, well we obviously have each other and that goes without saying but we have no grandparent etc to rely on.
So feeling like its gone has knocked me for six, of course it’s no gone but its feeling like it. I hate having to rely on people it’s an alien concept for me. I have no transport therefore play dates, shopping, exercising is impossible unless someone can bring me for a spin.

I know I’m with my family and I’m always comfortable with them but its not my family home, the team Vaughan abode! I don’t have my “stuff” I’m continually living out of suitcase. When I’m in one place or country the stuff I need is somewhere fecking else.

I know this feeling won’t last forever, I aware that I knew it was coming, however it does make the process any easier. I want my children to have a home! At the moment they don’t, I’m constantly thinking thinking thinking, what do I need to do, what do we need to organise. Thinking as both parents as expatdaddy is flitting between 3 countries, its so hard on him too. As it turns out we may have a nursery place in Dubai for LPV. I’m a wee bit of a control freak, I want to handle it all myself, my life, the move, the kids! It makes me so mad that I can’t.

We can only do what we planned and that’s take everyday as it comes and try to not to stress.

Easier said than done, eh? It’s funny even though I’ve moved internationally (twice) this is the first time we done it with two kids in tow. I’m trying to keep up continuity for the children, staying in my parents and inlaws for longer periods. I’d be lost without them, no lets rephrase that I would have been sectioned by now.

The dream that will soon be the reality is keeping me going and that we’ll all be a family together again

2 thoughts on “Independence, stress, control

  1. mumof4 says:

    I SOOO get it. They mean well and all but it is just not the same. I really get it. Do you have a date you are moving again? It is so good of you that you are putting the stability of the kids first. I think I would be Holiday Inning it before losing my marbles etc…..

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