The Tourist

Love them or hate we all become one at some point in our lives, let’s face it it’s not money, love, religion or oil that makes the world go round it’s the….tourist!

I personally am amused by this breed of human I could sit and watch them for hours, being a citizen of the world not quite and spending a week in Italy I’ve seen a few. So as I have nothing better to do on this car journey I am going to put some in categories!

The digital tourist

The digital tourist has everything photo taking device known to man on his person. A huge paparazzi lense on his panisonic lumix camera. When he’s taking a photo of his significant other he sets up a no walking zone within a 7 mile radius, god help you if you enter it and end up in his photo. He take the same photo on every device, he takes photos of shop windows he clearly has in his own country. He wanders around slower than a snail just incase he misses a set of Italian traffic lights to photograph.
Are you him?

The fashion victim

The fashion victim is the easiest to spot as they look like the city has thrown up all over them. I love Florence baseball cap, twined with Florence hoodie! They can often be seen wearing a straw hat, rain poncho, sandals with socks clutching a bag for life!
Is this you?

The know it all tourist

Probably the most annoying of them all, the know it all has never been to the city in question! Yet they claim to know exactly where everything is and speak the language which in turn they end up sounding like an Irish Jamaican! They get their confidence and power from their oversized backpack and the guide book they eat for breakfast everyday. You can eventually find them with their annoyed friends in the tourist information getting the obligatory bog standard map like the rest of us.
C’mon own up is it you?

strong>The fashionista tourist

Shes dressed like she’s going to the Cannes film festival not sight seeing in a city with cobbled streets. She teeters down the cobbled streets in her Jimmy Choos hanging on to her sugar daddy for dear life! She’s bored these peasants around her keep touching her but she puts on a brave face as she will be rewarded for her sacrifices in Gucci later! Then it’s back to the 5 star hotel for her, she’s never even heard of one of those hostel thingys let alone stayed in one!!
Do you know her??

The glazed over parents tourist

Spot them a mile off, they’re frustrated, exhausted and longing to turn back time so they could of came without the pissy toddler in tow. They can’t get him to stand still for a photo or stop him from running into others photos. The smallest bag in the world contains more toys, treats and technology to bride and entertain said toddler so they could at least eat a meal together. While daddy chases the toddler mammy quickly follows pushing an empty buggy longing for bedtime and a gallon of wine!!
Sound familiar??

The trip of a lifetime tourist

A gigantic flock of grey sheep follow a muddled aged local Shepard. She’s important as she has a flag and a headset! Elderly couples on a trip of a lifetime, you can see the regret in their eyes that they signed up for the farking your guide. They look down at their complimentary matching rain coats and the “Hello my name is” badge! Some faster movers of the herd can often be seen sneaking off into the obligatory Irish pub that every city has. However the Shepard soon finds them and drags them back kicking and bleating
Have you seen one?


2 thoughts on “The Tourist

  1. mumof4 says:

    OMG…. trying to think if we fit into any of these categories as we were away in UK/France/Spain/Italy a lot of the summer. Think I would have been more of the ‘thinking ‘shut the fuck up’ a lot of the time’ tourist….. but saw lots of the ones you mention. I could get all stereotypical about the nationalities I saw being said tourists…. I saw quite a few ‘European tour’ tourists…. say with a hat from Florence, bum bag from Rome, t shirt from Venice……… Mmmm. Does anyone ever really wear this shit again once they get home?

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