Melt down

So yesterday seen the first of many melt downs over this move to Amsterdam. Worse of all it was a fulled by Prosecco melt down, I’ve tried to keep together all week, for LPV, EPD and for our house guests the “Wanjigi’s” who are staying with us as they are also leaving too. I’m exhausted, still suffering with lurgy and stressed to high heaven. Considering this moving crap has been going since about September I feel that I have done quite well but it’s all hitting home now. Things are going to change all over again, I have to make new friends, find new play places for LPV, find new everything. Am I strong enough for this??? Not even sure if my Dr thinks so as when I asked him to reduce my crazy dose his reply was “lets leave you as you are to get you through this move” I guess he anticipated a big flip out was on its way!! Clever chap!!

I think about this move and I get butterflies, they are of course flutters of excitement about new ventures & going home to see loved ones but they are also nerves about new ventures and going home to see loved ones. So many questions are spinning in my head,

 Has Dubai changed me & if so is it for the worse??

Do I actually fit in at home anymore??

I have around a month in Bristol when I leave next week, for 3 years now it’s just been me & EPD then, me EPD & LPV, as of next week I won’t see my husband (bestfriend/the logic to my crazy) for at least a month and although most of my melt down was aimed at him last night, I’m lost without him. I love my friends and my family but life moves on without you. This is fine I’m not naive enough to expect it not too but I’m worried about the loneliness, I have amazing friends at home, some of them even have amazing children of their own but they’ve formed their own mammy groups, have their own mammy friends are they going to like me ‘as a mammy” I’m different, sometimes I don’t even know me anymore. Dubai is my protective bubble, I let people see enough to let them know I’m ok but now I’m scared, scared the real me is out there, vulnerable, worried, will people at home think I’m a good Mammy……….

I guess there’s only one way to find out!!


6 thoughts on “Melt down

  1. Claire says:

    Tracy be positive. You are an amazing mammy and your doing something most people wouldn’t even consider. You are very brave and we all still love you back here. Your more than welcome to come and spend some time in Wales with OK and us. We would love to have you over and to have a play mate. Just take lots of deep breaths for the next few days and keep smiling. Your doing a fantastic job and just think this move will make you even stronger than you were before.
    Thinking of you loads xxx

  2. bluebirdsunshine says:

    It’s scary putting yourself out there isn’t it. I think you’re remarkably sane with all you have to organise. Moving countries is massive…and I’ve not done it with children in tow!

  3. nursemay says:

    Oh love, it is so difficult. I felt the same when going home to SA the first time after being away. I left as a single lady and returned married with kids!! Life does move on and those friendships do change but the thing I realised is that in those real friendship it doesn’t matter!! You might be in totally different places in life (and country) but sometimes it just really doesn’t matter! Trust in those friendships and have a great time catching up with old friends!
    Good luck… looking forward to seeing how it goes!

  4. stace8383 says:

    It is hard, I hate moving – even short distances! Moving internationally must be even more stressful. But it’ll work out, one way or another, and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Chin up, pip pip, and all that!

  5. Bibsey Mama says:

    Oh love. Meltdown inevitable I’m afraid. Moving home and country (via the motherland) is a classic recipe. Good luck with it all. It will be hell. It will be over soon. Muchos besos de Bibsey Towers. xxx

  6. mumof4 says:

    At one stage here in America we moved 6 times in 8 years. Not internationally but even so. They say that moving ranks up there with a death in the family and a divorce. It IS stressful and whether you are on ‘crazy meds’ or not (and I am too) you are very normal feeling ‘antsy.’
    Doing it without your Hubby is going to make it harder too.
    And whilst Dubai has been your protective bubble, moving to Amsterdam is going to be a new adventure. And I think being back in Europe may be more calming/appealing than you think.
    First get back onto home soil and do what you have missed in Dubai…eat your weight in sausage rolls or whatever it is (that’s my choice) and then hang with people you haven’t seen and as much as you can -have a break with your baba. Put the ‘move’ out of your mind for the 4 weeks and try and just take each day as it is. Don’t worry about the Dutch chapter before it has started.
    And use the blog/tweets etc to share your anxieties and your emotions. You may have to say farewell to your Dubai pals but we bloggers will be with you throughout.

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