So yesterday seen the first of many melt downs over this move to Amsterdam. Worse of all it was a fulled by Prosecco melt down, I’ve tried to keep together all week, for LPV, EPD and for our house guests the “Wanjigi’s” who are staying with us as they are also leaving too. I’m exhausted, still suffering with lurgy and stressed to high heaven. Considering this moving crap has been going since about September I feel that I have done quite well but it’s all hitting home now. Things are going to change all over again, I have to make new friends, find new play places for LPV, find new everything. Am I strong enough for this??? Not even sure if my Dr thinks so as when I asked him to reduce my crazy dose his reply was “lets leave you as you are to get you through this move” I guess he anticipated a big flip out was on its way!! Clever chap!!
I think about this move and I get butterflies, they are of course flutters of excitement about new ventures & going home to see loved ones but they are also nerves about new ventures and going home to see loved ones. So many questions are spinning in my head,
Has Dubai changed me & if so is it for the worse??
Do I actually fit in at home anymore??
I have around a month in Bristol when I leave next week, for 3 years now it’s just been me & EPD then, me EPD & LPV, as of next week I won’t see my husband (bestfriend/the logic to my crazy) for at least a month and although most of my melt down was aimed at him last night, I’m lost without him. I love my friends and my family but life moves on without you. This is fine I’m not naive enough to expect it not too but I’m worried about the loneliness, I have amazing friends at home, some of them even have amazing children of their own but they’ve formed their own mammy groups, have their own mammy friends are they going to like me ‘as a mammy” I’m different, sometimes I don’t even know me anymore. Dubai is my protective bubble, I let people see enough to let them know I’m ok but now I’m scared, scared the real me is out there, vulnerable, worried, will people at home think I’m a good Mammy……….
I guess there’s only one way to find out!!