Guilt Oh the guilt

I not doing my wordless Wednesday today, although there literally are no words for how guilty I feel…………………….

As we are moving in the next week or so I have loads to do so thought putting LPV in daycare would be a good idea, rather than him being at risk of being packed up in box and shipped to Amsterdam…. I’m being serious I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before, considering when we moved apartments last year, the movers actually wrapped the used nappies from the bin and packed them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well it is Dubai after all

I thought I would ease him in gently, as daycare in the gym where I go to Zumba I put him in for the hour while I was shaking my booty…………………. I didn’t like the fact the just took him from me and would let me come in but I went along with it, in floods of tears I walked along the corridor to Zumba. My heart wasn’t in it, I kept thinking about my wee man, the ache in my chest was too much to bare so I went to see if he was ok in between routines. I walked along the corridor and I could her him screaming bloody murder…… I met what was obviously the owner and she assured me he’d be fine. Blubbing again I went back to Zumba, a couple tooshy shaking tunes and I went to check again……………….still crying, the worse thing was I couldn’t hear anyone trying to console him (my god I’m crying as I type, soppy tart).

This time I decided to take him, poor wee lamb we went back to Zumba but he was in no form for playing, while I selfishly exercised. We left  got a rather large coffee, came home, LPV was happy as larry (who ever he is) and I had a nervous breakdown on the phone to expatdaddy….

God why is this so hard, I know he’ll be fine and it will do him the world of good but he’s my right arm, my everything, how can I just let him cry like that I official feel like the worse mother ever

And the award goes too

 

12 thoughts on “Guilt Oh the guilt

  1. huntsonthemove says:

    Rated as Excellent only in that it is a great post and I’m so impressed that you can write about how you feel. But I KNOW you are one of the BEST MUMMYS!!! LPV just knows how to wind you up, cheeky chappy. I guess the daycare is thinking that it would be easier for him to go in without you. But perhaps next time say a few minutes until he gets distracted. Hang in there. I’m sure, and hope, that this is just a phase.

  2. nursemay says:

    Ah love, it’s so hard isn’t it! There is always something that pulls on our heart strings and makes us ache!
    But it does get easier and sometimes the hardest tasks are the most beneficial in the end! Keep hanging in there he needs as much time to get used to it as you do remember!
    Sending hugs! x

  3. Mariposagirl says:

    sigh, I haven’t had to go thru this much yet because my little one is still at home.

    I already suffered years of this with my now teenager as he was in day care from 10 weeks old on.

    big hugs to you.

    xoox

  4. stace8383 says:

    Awww, don’t feel bad! Really truly, there comes a point where we as mothers just HAVE to let go, if only for a few hours or days, and it actually really does you both good. It gets you BOTH used to being without each other, learning to cope, even learning to enjoy it. It’s not a bad thing. But it can be hard to start with!

  5. Blue Sky says:

    I remember how hard it was leaving the kids to go to work, but for most of them, they really do stop crying within minutes or even seconds of you leaving. I used to ring to check and all was always well. You are certainly not the worst mother…absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think he’ll enjoy the new experience and appreciate you even more x

  6. katie (@ktmoo) says:

    The guilt will pass, trust me. I’m a childminder and have seen how quickly children calm down after their parents drop them off, they just need a bit of time to get used to the new routine. Having said that, I do comfort and try to distract the children if they are upset, so I understand why seeing him cry by himself was hard. And keep talking to expatdaddy about how you feel – if you bottle it all up it can drive you crazy. Best to get it out. Hope the move goes well xo

  7. mortgagemummi says:

    Ahhhhh…. mommy guilt you bastard she-devil you! Totally know all about it – totally know about the worst mommy of the year award (I have given my children Alphagetti 2 nights in a row so I think I have you beat, lol!). Keep at it, it will get better and you won’t regret it. My 2 year old has blossomed from going to a dayhome all by herself without big sister but the first couple of times were really tough!

  8. mumof4 says:

    Don’t beat yourself up too much. The childcare thing is a killer either way and you said yourself – your heart wasn’t so in to your Zumba. It is always tough until the baby is aclimatised with a new carer and sometimes it is agony to hear the baby cry…but they do get used to it eventually and you’re not leaving him there forever.
    It will get easier as you know how they can calm him down….

    Over here we’ve had movers pack used yoghurt pots and all the rubbish in the waste paper bins!!

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