My story

So yesterday I read a statement on Facebook that said (and I quote) “Depression is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you have been strong for too long!!”

Hello, My name is Expat Mammy and I’ve have postnatal depression!! It may come as a shock to some people to others maybe not but to be honest I’m tired of being ashamed to say that I struggled for a while. I didn’t have the easiest pregnancy, you name the symptom I had it, however nothing has ever shocked me so severely than the phone I had a call from Dr’s office to tell me I had gestational diabetes (at this point I had just polished off my 2nd two finger kitkat, I promptly checked the apartment for camera’s after that, they must have been watching me!!) I called my aunt who is a midwife in the UK to get the low down on what was going to be the bain of my life for the last 4 months of my pregnancy. It was at this very moment that the mammy guilt set in, I couldn’t believe that I had failed already I couldn’t even provide a healthy house for my wee man to grow in (it clearly wasn’t the case but try telling a hormonal, exhausted pregnant woman that) The sugars got progressivly worse and I ended up having to inject myself with insulin 4 times a day. On top this constantly being called obesse by my endocrinologist wasn’t helping either, even when I had only put on 16lbs through the whole pregnancy I was told I had to loose weight 12hrs after my C section. These people that tell you your fat clearly do not own mirrors!!!! The thought of getting Diabetes later in life scares me but then I just have some chocolate am I fine, hahaha! I’m quite strict with LPV’s treats as I really don’t think I could live with my self if he got it later in life too!!

LPV was 5 weeks early via C section I was lucky to such an amzing OBGYN Dr Christian Jozsa you are a saint (and his nurse Liz). Although we had bought every baby product in Dubai I still didn’t feel prepared, when he was born he was so Ickle  and would tire so easily that he wouldn’t feed from me (failure as a mother No 2) He still had the best start as I expressed milk for him, it wasn’t til I asked the Dr if he had a tongue tie did we find out why he wasn’t feeding well. The response I got was “oh I didn’t check” and SURPRISE there was a tongue tie. At this point we were due to go home so I gave up any dream I had of breast feeding and so the mammoth pumping began. I pumped 7 times a day for 10 weeks, until My Mammy sent me off to the Midwife in a crumpled heap!!

Deborah Williams my midwife, what can I say, she’s been a tower of strength and support (obviously along with my wee family and Mafioso’s!!) no question is too stupid for her (believe me I’ve asked some humdingers) and she’s there for me 24/7. So Thank you Deb!

Paul I really don’t know how on earth you put up with me but you do, Go Team Vaughan!!!

There really is no point I guess to writing this piece, some of you may judge me for being so honest and admitting I have flaws, thats you perogative but if this post can help some new Mammy away from her family then I’m all for honesty!! Remember people tell and show  you what they want you to believe, so when your child isn’t sleeping and you feel like the Mammy monster and all you hear is “Oh Tarquin has slept all night since birth” this could be true but the chances are it’s not! (by the way I don’t why I chose the name Tarquin, shopaholic books I think, no offence if you’ve named your child Tarquin)

Did you know that you can run on custard??? It’s true, It was on Brainiac!! If you keep running you won’t sink!! Just look at it the same as being Mam some mammies run and get to the other side with out sinking  but if you do sink, thats fine (I actually like custard) too cos in time you’ll get back on top and be running again!!

Expat mammy.xx

12 thoughts on “My story

  1. Monica says:

    I think your honesty is beautiful! Just remember to keep your head up and rely on your friends and family as much as you need that is what we are here for. Also remember one of my favorite quotes ever “If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it”.

  2. John O'Brien says:

    Well Tracy, what can I say yer Mam just showed me your storey & like she said we are both very proud of you for having the guts to make that statement.We all run on custard, all our lives & WE all sink now & then,but some custard is lumpier than others,(ours is not to bad because yer Mams a cook).My& Mams life would never be as good as what is without Team Vaughan & Team Stone you both have given us the best gifts anyone could wish for,and for that we are eternally grateful,we have the best family in the world.

  3. Kirstie says:

    Tracy, you have always been an inspiration to me! Having suffered from depression in the UAE with little support or help I do have a small indication of how you may have felt, but to suffer post-natal depression is something I can only imagine! Yet, you have always been honest about your struggle and handled it with the utmost dignity and strength! You are not fat, I was told this by many doctors, nurses and my endocronologist too in the UAE, I told them all to feck off! Bastards! You are a fantastic mother and I have always admired you. You are an inspiration to those who are also struggling and lets hope many more come forward and realise that thanks to you they don’t have to go it alone! xxoo

  4. Lisa says:

    Nice blog Tracy! And it’s great that you speak out like this about your experience. Hopefully it will encourage others to do the same. I also breastpumped for the first 3 months and felt exactly the same as you. Nothing worse than feeling so low, permanently attached to the couch and have everything scheduled around pumping and feeding sessions..and waking up to pump twice in the night while baby sleeps soundly! You are a trooper. Nice work!

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